do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
