I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
