I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
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you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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