i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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