i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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