Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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