matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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