Porn is love you can see.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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