People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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