Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
