This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
