i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
