i think my mom watched the whole time
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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