are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
