so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize