Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
