He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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