he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
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Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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