i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
