The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
