Im at strip club and am horny
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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