Do you still have your period?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
