i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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