Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
