Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
