My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
