U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm at about main and main street
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
