Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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