I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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