I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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