I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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