I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
