I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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