I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
well you can't waste a boner
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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