I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
