id be glad to
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
