if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
