so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I skipped work to stalk him.
two words: eviction party
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
