Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
