Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
