Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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