god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
