new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize