Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
they're like a gay fantastic four
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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