she was so not down for the gang bang
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We talked him into tasing himself.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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