It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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