if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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