You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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