I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
