I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
