It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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