i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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