we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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