I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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