Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It was confusing and full of hummus
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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