just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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