Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
